Contraband

Back in February, my young bride took a cruise into the western Caribbean. This was arranged and remunerated by her sister, Amy, who wanted to take a vacation, but not alone. I have since pointed out to Amy that she has vacationed with her sister -- my wife -- several times over the years. She has also hosted both of my house apes at her home in Las Vegas, and arranged age-appropriate sight-seeing tours. At this writing, she is on Cozumel with her husband, who was unavailable for duty in February.

My point being that Amy has never offered to take me on vacation, and I'm waiting. Still waiting. I even suggested to her that the island of Tahiti sounds like a decent spot for relaxation and tropical beverages, because that's the type of helpful, informative person I am.

Anyway, the two girls departed from Miami on a Norwegian Cruise Lines ship -- the Dawn -- headed toward the islands in the Gulf Of Mexico. My young bride, a prolific writer of all things travel, when she but rarely is able, has -- no doubt -- penned a detailed account of her trip and stored it on our home computer. But, as I was unable to see and enjoy the western Caribbean, the details are unimportant to me, at best. I know that they ate well, swam with dolphins on Cozumel, shopped prolifically, and The Boss took a wine tasting class, where she learned that she really likes champagne; good information to have, if one is ever stuck in Paris with nothing to do.

The two important events from their trip through the "Pre-Horizon Disaster" Gulf are -- A. They returned safely; and 2. My young bride brought me a (contraband), from the Grand Caymans, as a souvenir.

Now, (contrabands) have been illegal in the United States to own and operate since 1963, although many a politician and wealthy businessman have both owned and operated them with impunity. I, personally, have been an operator of (non-contrabands) for about the last twelve years or so. This began when I discovered that a (non-contraband) shop had opened in Loudon, and it was in my path between work and home. I would stop in from time to time and select a (non-contraband) for enjoyment on my porch. I never operate a (contraband) in the house, due to the smelly left-overs.

Anyway, this continued until I discovered the Thompson (non-contraband) company, who sell legally obtained (non-contrabands) from Central America, storage units, and humidity-control paraphernalia. Since that time, I became a regular customer and get regular shipments of (non-contrabands).

However, I have had a couple of actual (contrabands) before, thanks to Amy's penchant for travel. She and her husband, Paul, vacationed a number of years ago in England, where (contrabands) are not illegal. She brought a couple of them home for me to try. One of them was a big ol' disappointment, but the other was the best (contraband) I had ever operated, at the time.

That, of course, is before my young bride took a trip to the western Caribbean, arranged and remunerated by... well, you understand. I suppose I owe half the thanks for my souvenir to Amy, without whom I would never have been able to try a (contraband), at all, in the first place.

Now, as I stated, the girls took their trip in February, which is still a cold month in Tennessee, despite the efforts of the human race to eliminate the ozone layer and Tropicalize the planet. Thus, my (contraband) went into my humidity-controlled storage unit, for use at a later date. That later date came last week.

It was the last week of May, and the weather was perfect for sitting on the porch, conversing with one's spouse (the one who had taken a cruise to the western Caribbean, arranged and... okay, I'll stop now), and operating a (contraband) for the pure enjoyment of it. As of now, this is the best (contraband) I have ever operated. Sleek, smooth and even in its aroma and overall flavor, it was a good experience from the time I began operating it, until I threw the leftover nub into the front yard (biodegradable, don't you know?)

Someday, perhaps, I will be gainfully employed again, and will be able to afford my own trip into the Caribbean islands, where I will purchase a (contraband) and enjoy it right on the spot. Someday.

Until then, Amy, the planes normally land in Papeété, and one can rent a car and drive anywhere on the island. The climate is temperate year 'round, and, barring monsoon season, I hear it's a great place to visit.